Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's Your First Post, Charlie Brown

This being the Holiday Season and all, I decided to start a blog. And what better first topic than Charlie Brown holiday specials. Halloween and Thanksgiving have come and gone, but Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the rest of the gang are going to hit us, baby, one more time with their Hanukkah special wherein Rabbi Schnoopyberg shares the joy of dreidel making with little birdy Woodstockman. Or am I confused?

Now I always thought that Peanuts creator Charles Schulz wanted the strip and the new cartoons to end when he died, but a quick look at IMDb shows a half dozen new animated specials produced since his passing.

This being the case I offer these ideas for new, up-to-date Charlie Brown specials:

It's The Apocalypse, Charlie Brown! (after the adults nuke the planet - Bwaw, Bwaw, Bwaw, BOOM! - the gang makes like Mad Max as Linus becomes Charlie Brown's assless-leather-chaps-wearing biker bitch, and Lucy and Peppermint Patty start wearing football shoulder pads - although that's not much of a change for Patty)

It's a Race Riot, Charlie Brown! (focusing on Franklyn, who has had quite enough of being the token black kid, so he boosts the biggest big-screen tv he can fit in his cousin Roscoe's pickup)

Snoopy, Dog of Satan! (in the spirit of those satanic dog movies of the 1970s)

Son of Snoopy, Dog of Satan! (the inevitable sequel)

It's Global Warming, Charlie Brown! (Pigpen, who dusty exterior has now turned to a muddy one, is featured)

Run, It's A Killer Asteroid, Charlie Brown! (guest director Roland Emmerich with his usual global shenanigans, this time in limited animation form)

You're Transgendered, Charlize Brown! (Peppermint Patty becomes a man, Spearmint Sam, to marry Marcie, who was always just a weird hetero girl)

It's The Rapture, Let's Go To Alaska, Charlie Brown! (Lucy leads the gang in accusing Charlie Brown and others of being pawns of the Devil as The Book of Revelations comes to life!)

Let's Go To The Mattresses, Charlie "Baldy" Brown! (the Mafia comes to Charlie Brown's town) sometimes retitled as What Are You, A Wiseguy, Charlie Brown?!

Charlie Brown: Episode I: The Menacing Sinister Phantom Clone of the Red Baron Attacks Then Returns for Revenge (guest writer/director George Lucas fucks up this franchise too)

No comments:

Post a Comment