Wednesday, March 31, 2010

More "Mega" Movie Badness

Move over Debbie/Deborah Gibson, your 80s pop tart rival Tiffany is challenging you for supremacy not on the airwaves but on the BAD MOVIE battleground.

Yes, The Asylum - the madcaps behind Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus - are returning to the sea for another giant monster movie, this time involving piranha of various sizes, from as big as a briefcase to mini-van sized to something that can swallow an aircraft carrier (at least according to the poster). It's called, what else, Mega Piranha.

And just as Mega Shark had a former 80s pop starlet as its lead, Mega Piranha has ex-mall rat Tiffany Darwish, who rose to fame on just her first name and such hits as "I Think We're Alone Now." In this clip from, you'll see that Tiffany, who drop trou for Playboy in 2002, now sports the average soccer mom figure (no offense to soccer moms). Remember Tiff, the camera ADDS 10 lbs.

From the clip we can also deduce that kicking large flying fish is very good cardio exercise - it really works the legs and the gluts - and that Lorenzo Lamas apparently learned his lesson from Mega Shark and decided to sit this one out in favor of a generic hunky actor.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Zombie Series Shuffles to First Season Order

This is great news off the SciFiWire: AMC has given the greenlight to produce a six-episode first season of The Walking Dead, the tv adaptation of the critically acclaimed comic book series.

While I wish the first season would at least be 10 or 13 episodes long, I'll take six episodes and hope this allows series Executive Producer Frank Darabont and his team the time and to craft some well-rounded stories.

Even though zombie-maestro George Romero's four (soon to be five) Dead films are ostensibly set in the same world, we've never had a movie or TV series following the same group of characters as they survive a zombie apocalypse.

I absolutely loved Darabont's last film, The Mist, and cannot wait to see how he handles Robert Kirkman's creation.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Award For Best Apology Goes To...

Wow. J.D. Shapiro, the original screenwriter for the movie (if you can call it that) Battlefield Earth, APOLOGIZES for his involvement in that fiasco, which was recently tabbed as the WORST movie of the decade by the fine folks at the Razzie Awards.

It's in this piece from No surprise here, what he wrote was HEAVILY re-written to make it the steaming space-turd we all know and loath.

I can still remember the tension headache I had when I watched Battlefield Earth due to all the Dutch tilts in it (basically EVERY scene was shot that way - it was like an all-supervillain episode of the old Adam West Batman TV show). I needed an e-Meter to realign my chakras after that.

You Can't Spell Dungeon Without Dung

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

Frankenmovie. That’s the first thing that popped into my mind while watching my first Uwe Boll-directed film.

Don’t know who Mr. Boll is? Lemme enlighten you, grass hoppa. He’s a German nutcase who directs mostly video game-to-film adaptations. House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, Postal, BloodRayne 2, Far Cry, and the upcoming Zombie Massacre. All video games, all made into movies, all of which were directed by Mr. Boll. Add ITNOTK: ADST to that list.

I’d rather eat glass than watch this stupid movie again. Why? Because eating glass would be better for me.

There is NOTHING to recommend in this celluloid turd; it’s nothing but one giant, dull, pointless cliché. The story has damn near EVERY heroic fantasy chestnut sloppily stitched together like Frankenstein's monster: the peaceful farmer who becomes a warrior, the sniveling royal nephew who has designs on the king’s throne, the beautiful girl who wants to fight but whose father won’t let her, the wise old man and his young, traitorous protégé (they of course duel to the death – all they left out was the line, “when I left you I was but the learner now I am the master”), the wise old uncle/mentor figure who accompanies you on your quest, the goofy orc-like Krug hordes controlled by the black-leather clad big bad. GAH! They didn’t attempt to turn any cliché on its head, so everything felt like a lousy retread of people, things, and events that we’ve seen a million times, which is exactly what it was. The average episode of Xena was much more fun than this. Hell, even Legend of the Seeker is more original and exciting than this drek.

Jason Statham plays Jason Statham as a farmer named Farmer (don’t ask). John Rhys Davies is looking VERY long in the tooth as the mage Merick. (After his terrific work in the Lord of the Rings movies, I say we forbid Davies from working on shit like this as it only tarnishes the memory of his past fantasy film roles.) Ray Liotta, extremely miscast in this movie as Gallian, has his hair poofed up and his voice extra screechy as Merick’s former apprentice mage and now enemy of the throne. (Liotta should never do period films. Never, never, never, never. He will always look and act like the guy from Newark, New Jersey that he is) Leelee Sobieski is the only cast member who fits her role as the daughter who longs to do more. But the worst casting is Burt Reynolds as the king. You know, I’m just like you: when I think of heroic J.R.R. Tolkien-esque fantasy set in a primitive British setting I think of Burt Freaking Reynolds, who looks just ducky with his flocky white hair, jet black eyebrows, and brown and grey beard. In his very first scene he looks right at the camera, obviously telling us, “I’m doing this for the money until the studio remakes Smokey and the Bandit.”

This movie should have been called In the Name of the King: Going Through the Motions as that is precisely what it does. There are so many subplots that it felt as if it were a 6 hour miniseries that was edited down to a 2+ hour feature (it was 127 min, but, gods help us, apparently there's a 156 min Director's Cut). And it was a 2 hour feature that crawled along at a snails pace. The first big battle with the Krug, who are among the stupidest looking monsters I’ve ever seen with their pull on face masks, lasts around 15 minutes and it doesn’t’ move the movie forward one iota. It was just an excuse for an extended fight sequence, and a lousy excuse at that because nothing was staged very well (or photographed or edited in an exciting manner). Statham has too many obvious kung fu moves in his action scenes (the stunt coordinator is from Hong Kong, which didn't help). Why a pre-historic British farmer would wield a sword and fight like an Asian martial artist is never explained.

One thing I noticed was that the movie must have had a decent helicopter budget as several scenes were shot on the ground and then from over head. Something as simple as Statham and friends approaching a dwelling was shot from their point of view, then all of a sudden the editor cuts to a circling overhead shot. It was more jarring rather than adding any sense of majesty or even interest in the scene. The movie was based on the Dungeon Siege game, but there was no dungeon sieged in the film. The "sieging" was done in the forest.

This is one of those movies that is just godawful; it’s not stupid enough to be funny. It’s just a long slow slog to nowhere.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Comic Book Legend Passes

Legendary comic book professional Dick Giordano passed away this morning. He was 77 years old. He was a most famous as an inker, but he also was a penciller, editor and executive with DC Comics.

Mr. Giordano had a long career in comic books, starting at Charlton Comics in the early 1950s. He came to fame in the 60s inking the work of equally legendary Neal Adams on DC's Batman and Green Lantern/Green Arrow books that are now considered classics.

I read many comic books as a kid that Mr. Giordano worked on and his inks always complimented and enhanced the penciler's work, it never overpowered the penciler's lines. He served as mentor to several inking assistants including Terry Austin and Klaus Janson of X-Men and Daredevil fame respectively.

More on his passing in this Comic Book Resources post.

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Title Says It All

Move over Pride & Prejudice & Zombies and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Prepare yourselves for...Gladiators v Werewolves. From

This. will. RAWK.

Since mashups have now moved from the web to print to movies, I want to see something really goofy. How about Bigfoot vs. The Bikers. I'll even give you the logline: "A ruthless motorcyle gang terroizes a small mountain town turning it inside out, but they are soon fighting for their lives against the legendary Bigfoot monster!"

The teaser poster image could have a Bigfoot footprint with a motorcycle tire track running over it. Wildboy could even come out of retirement to make a cameo in the movie.

How about it Roger Corman? Call me and we'll make Bigfoot vs. The Bikers!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Termites Build Mounds and Death Stars

George Lucas has fiddled, re-jiggered and changed his Original Star Wars Trilogy ad nauseum, but as this clip shows in Attack of the Clones he managed to essentially negate the classic bit of logic from Kevin Smith's Clerks where Randall and Dante discuss the second Death Star's destruction in Return of the Jedi and the deaths of all the "independent contractors" like plumbers, roofers and aluminum siders.

Man, that Lucas is something, isn't he. Changing not only HIS movies, but OTHER peoples movies too!

Drawn Together

Here's a fun "what if" found on the cast of Lost in animated form.

When you click on artist Michael Blaine Myers Jr's link you'll see more; full size they look less like an animated version of the actors and just a illustrated version. But they're still pretty cool.

Someone somewhere has probably already done a version of the Lost cast in the style of The Simpsons, but I'd like to see them done in styles like the old Scooby Doo Movies, which often featured real actors in animated form, Batman: The Animated Series and even the old Filmation, which adapted the Star Trek cast in the early 70s.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Star Wars Revelation

Over at Topless Robot, there's a post about Han Solo FINALLY figuring out the Luke/Leia thing.

The creators of the video used the PERFECT piece of music for Han's revelation.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Cherry Bomb

Cherry 2000 (1986)

A pretty poster does not a good movie make. (Even if it looks like Bob Peak painted it.)

In the future, a yuppie’s pretty blond sexbot, the titular Cherry 2000, blows a gasket or v-chip or whatever after said yuppie is stupid enough to get down with the thing while pretending his kitchen floor is a bubble bath (the dishwasher overflowed, hence the suds). After somehow not getting electrocuted, he decides he can’t live without his Latex-covered Lovebot so he hires a "tracker" to take him into the only place left on Earth where he can get a new ‘bot: the Zone.

This is a terrible movie on about 57 different levels. First off, there was NO REASON for this to be science fiction, even the extremely weak sci-fi that it tries to pass itself off as. The Zone in the wasteland is inhabited by clean white jeans-wearing preppies, led by Tim Thomerson, who look like they walked off the Miami Vice tv show set, especially the ones wearing pastel shirts. This movie could serve as a time capsule to all of the ugliest fashion trends of the 1980s. The costumes are that bad.

There was one funny line of dialogue concerning life in the future, something about “unemployment going down to 40% for the first time in several years.” That was about the extent of the satire. Again, I could see no real reason WHY this had to be set in the future. Our yuppie hero Sam could simply have been in love with a call girl who provided him with a certain fantasy and now she's been kidnapped by a gangster who hides out in the Nevada desert, so he teams with a tough local girl to get her back.

They didn’t go all “Mad Max” on the ‘Zone vehicle designs; they didn't even try: Tim Thomerson rode in a nice clean mid-80s Jeep and his nicely dressed thugs rode 4-wheel ATVs in the climactic final battle. And instead of Mad Max football pads and leather they just wore tennis shows and shopped at the 80s version of Old Navy. The costumers barely even tried.

Cherry 2000 as played by Pamela Gidley is mighty pretty, but she’s too “Donna Reedish” (holla, my 2.3 Gilmore Girls fans!). But Melanie Griffith as tracker E. Johnson is only slightly better, and one assumes, a little more closer to yuppie David Andrews’ body temperature. Griffith is cute with her Dorothy Hamill goes punk red hairdo/wig, but her acting in the movie is practically non-existent. At this point in her training she had two acting modes: smiling and non-smiling. Her voice is flat, even when her car is dangling from a crane over the Hoover Dam and she’s out on the hood firing rockets at the bad guys! It all was looped afterward, but she read her lines as if they were simply stuck in traffic on the freeway. She often showed LESS emotion in her voice than the robot Cherry. How’s that for irony, folks?

Tim Thomerson wasn't as good as he is in the Trancers movies. I think he just did this one for the paycheck. Same with Brion James, who barely registers. The only bright spot in this movie was the late, great Ben Johnson (Oscar winner for The Last Picture Show). Watching him work his magic here reminded me of Alec Guinness in the original Star Wars. Both actors had such a weight and gravitas about them that elevated whatever project on which they worked. Johnson’s voice alone is amazing, with its smoothness, warmth and depth, and it baffles me that he never worked in animation.

The action scenes are dull, dull, dull. Even the big sequence where E.'s Mustang is snagged by a big crane magnet and hauled over the Hoover Dam. Instead of simply dropping the car, the nameless goons fire loads of machine guns and even Rocket Propelled Grenades, all missing their target of course. E. pulls out HER bazooka and evidently has the only aim in the future as she hits her targets. The big action scene at the end is even worse. They seemed to be aiming for The A-Team meets Saturday morning kid's fare, with tons of bullets whizzing by, but mostly bloodless kills. Beyond boring.

Oh, and I won’t even mention this goofy movie’s Hokey Pokey dance sequence. Yeah, you read that right, they do the Hokey Pokey. (However, those ‘Zone wasteland wackos don’t hold a candle to Jim Breuer’s AC/DC version of the Hokey Pokey.)

Cherry 2000 poster image copyright its respective rights holder. No infringement of those rights is intended with this review.

Pixels and Low Prices

If you're looking for a new TV or a great price for airline tickets, click this link to where you can catch some new commercials featuring Star Trek's very own George Takei in a funny bit for Sharp TVs, and a new Priceline ad with not one but TWO William Shatners.

What the mirror universe is going on here?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Today's Secret Word Is...

Star Trek is Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended. Screencaps from

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Turn Around Bright Eyes

Here at BNFOS we are all over new Planet of the Apes news like, well, like hair on a gorilla.

The fine humans at CHUD have uncovered some amazing (and spoiler filled) details concerning the once and future continuation of the great Planet of the Apes series entitled, Caesar: The Rise of the Apes.

Just one thing: the studio better stick the words "Planet of" in that title if they know what's good for them. That's like doing a new Star Wars movie and leaving out the word "Wars."

Go nuts on that link. There's a good human.

Order Now!

When we were little, they promised us many things would be ours in the future: interplanetary space flight, the 3-day work week, TVs in the palm of your hand, computers running everything.

But most of all they promised us JET PACKS.

And one man finally delivered on that promise. This io9 piece shows us that future, and it only costs $90,000 to strap one on your back and travel 60 mph at an altitude of a mile and a half.

Polish off that Rocketeer helmet replica and get ready to jet.

The future is finally here (for some of us anyway).

Cherry on top

Recorded Cherry 2000 last night - the only sci fi movie starring Melanie Griffith!

Can't wait to watch and review for you.

Stay tuned: same Bad News From Outer Space time, same Bad News From Outer Space channel.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Going on Tour

Jay Leno may have returned to the Tonight Show desk but former host Conan O'Brien isn't sitting idle: he's going on the road.

Look for Conan O'Brien's "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television" tour, with sidekick Andy Richter and the former Tonight Show Band (apparently minus Max Weinberg) and all sorts of pranks, jokes and hijinks.

We already know of one, er, person waiting in line for tickets.

Star Trek Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended. Screencap from

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Bigfoot on Skis!

Not to be confused with Bigfoot on Ice, this is Bigfoot, aka Sasquatch, versus some goofball local yokel hunter-types on snowmobiles.

Where does Charlie Jane at io9 find this shit, in this case The Capture of Bigfoot?

This 'Squatch, or should I say "these" Squatches as there appear to be two, look like they swallowed the Michelin Man. You'd think a fur costume would be warm enough in the snow but it looks like they're wearing a padded snow suit UNDERNEATH their Bigfoot costumes.

Listen to that Sasquatch growling! It sounds like it was recorded live on location instead of having the sound man create some cool animal language sounds. A six month old puppy can make a more threatening sound than that!

And WHY does the guy with the stalled snowmobile finally get it going only to launch into a slo-mo ramp crash? Bigsquatch didn't appear to be anywhere near him. Guy's so stupid he just launches himself into slo-mo ramp crashes for no reason.

Star Trek Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended. Screencap from

Greetings, New Program

Good grief, but this new Tron: Legacy trailer looks AWESOME!

We get Bruce Boxleitner, who voice has matured and mellowed like six octaves lower than when he made the original TRON in 1982.

We get not one but TWO Jeff Bridges - two Dude-Trons; the contemporary bearded one, and a younger digital-face version playing CLU. Let's hope they learned from the team that worked on Benjamin Button and made those astounding animation techniques even better.

The visual design looks incredible, with nods to the original, but not being a slave to it.

And director Joseph Kosinski and his photography and editing teams seem to be making a movie where you can actually follow the action! More in the "classic action style" of a James Cameron or Steven Spielberg than Neveldine/Taylor and the rest of the ADD/video game generation of how many editing cuts can we have in 1 second of screen time.

Start polishing your light cycles - December 2010 looks really cool.

Der Neue Mouth-feel Han Solo Action Figure!

A teenage girl puts Star Wars Lego figures in her mouth and correctly guesses which ones they are.

This weirdness could only happen on a German television game show (Japanese TV game shows practice an altogether different brand of weird, but that's another story). The show is called Wetten Das? (Wanna Bet?)

This is one kooky show as the co-hostess is dressed in a slinky evening gown, the girl is made to sit on a replica of Captain Kirk's chair from TOS, and the host...well, the host looks like he is auditioning for Dr. Who circa 1978.

It's from the delightful folks at

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Justin Time to Swoon

Tween singing sensation, "shawty" lover, and giant mop of hair Justin Bieber is number one on Balok's iPod.

Star Trek Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. Justin Bieber is Copyright and a child of Mrs. and Mrs. Bieber. No infringement of these rights is intended. Screencap from

Monday, March 8, 2010

Bigfoot Update

This is your semi-monthly Bigfoot update.

Bigfoot has not been clearly sighted anywhere. We repeat, Bigfoot has not been clearly sighted anywhere.

No one who knows how to properly use a camcorder, digital or film camera, or iPhone camera has captured in a clear, in focus, non-shaky photograph or moving image a picture of the legendary Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch, Yeti (in snowy climes), the Wild Man, Skunk Ape, and Hairy Houdini.

Apparently the people who take blurry out-of-focus Bigfoot pictures take all their photography lessons from the same place that teaches the UFO folks to take their blurry snaps.

Once again, Bigfoot has not been clearly sighted anywhere.

We return you now to your non-Bigfoot-filled lives.

Star Trek Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended. Screencap from

Sunday, March 7, 2010


And Oscar 2010 is over. For a list of all the Academy Award winners go here:

Random thoughts:

I think I liked composer Michael Giacchino's acceptance speech the best, where he encouraged those kids who might not have the same positive support he received from his parents growing up. He told them to believe in themselves and to always chase their dreams. Hopefully this is just the first of many wins for the talented Mr. Giacchino.

Mo'Nique, Sandra Bullock and director Kathryn Bigelow all gave touching acceptance speeches.

I liked that Dug showed up in the proceedings, and that Robin Williams didn't make an ass out of himself.

What was up with that lady who interrupted that dude as he was accepting the award for Best Documentary Short? Bitch couldn't wait her turn and at least let the man finish before taking her turn. And she didn't even say sorry. Not cool.

The hip-hop dancing to the nominated movie scores was just weird (and I like seeing that style of dance on So You Think You Can Dance with the right music playing with it).

I thought the tribute to John Hughes was well done. As a writer, producer, and director he was responsible for so many great and fun movies whose impact is still being felt today. Witness the upcoming remake of his National Lampoon's Vacation (and you know the studios will likely reboot Home Alone in a few years). Ferris Bueller, Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club still hold up today. No one wrote teens the way Mr. Hughes did, and he did it without all the foul language and situations prevalent in so much of what passes for teen movies these days.

Also, it was nice of The Dude to accept the award for Best Actor for Jeff Bridges, man.

A Man, A House and a Million Balloons

Up (2009)

It’s not the destination that’s important but the journey.

That familiar refrain sums up the main theme of Up. However, I don’t feel that Pixar, the greatest animation house producing films today, created a journey that was all that engaging.

This is tells the story of an old man who finally decides to go on the “adventure of a lifetime” to uncharted lands that he once promised to visit with his late wife. Ed Asner voices Carl, the old former balloom man who outfits his home with thousands of colorful helium balloons to take him on the long-promised but equally long-put off journey into the unknown. The only thing he plans to take with him is the memory of Ellie, his late wife who shared with him that spirit of adventure.

Much to Carl’s chagrin he’s picked up a hitchhiker in the form of a young, enthusiastic Wilderness Explorer named Russell (voiced by Jordan Nagai), who just wanted to get a new Badge for Assisting the Elderly by helping Carl. Carl and Russell in the balloon-lifted house soar between the streets and buildings and over the fields in a beautiful sequence, aided by another fine Michael Giacchino musical score.

It has some terrific moments, including the opening montage where we see Carl and Ellie as they get married and move into the house, fixing it up as they go along, and saving for that thrilling trip to mysterious Paradise Falls somewhere in South America; it’s a trip they’ve been talking about taking since they met as young children. They were inspired by the newsreel accounts of 1930s adventurer Charles Muntz (voice of Christopher Plummer). Muntz went back to Paradise Falls to seek out a time-lost creature that had eluded him the first time he set foot there, and he vowed never to return unless he had proof of the creature’s existence. And he has not been heard from again, all these many decades later.

Once Carl and Russell get to South America, however, the movie loses a lot of the majesty of the earlier flying sequence. For one thing I thought the visual design of the plateau at Paradise Falls was rather dull, as far as lost worlds go. The original King Kong in 1933 was not merely set in a realistic tropical, jungle-filled island but one that fit the mystery and magic of that fantasy story, with gnarly ancient trees and plants you would not see in a typical jungle setting. A lot of the plateau sequences seemed like they just got lost in a national park. Yes, the waterfall was pretty, but it wasn’t breathtaking. It wasn’t magical.

I also never felt that Carl and Russell truly connected. Carl ultimately learns to loosen up and let other people into his life, but he could have learned that with anyone who went on this balloon trip with him. Why must it be Russell? He was cute and sort of funny, but he’s not that memorable. Violet in The Incredibles is a memorable kid, as was her brother Dash. Russell isn’t of that caliber and I felt the story truly needed someone like that to guide Carl out of his funk.

Dug almost stole the show. Heck, he DID steal the show. The animators did a fine job of conveying a dog’s emotions and movements in the caricatured body design (big head, regular-sized body, tiny legs/paws). Co-director Bob Peterson’s voice was perfect as the loveable dog, always looking to please his master. And you crack up no matter how many times you hear “Squirrel!”

Up is not a failure by any means, but it didn’t move me the way Ratatouille or Wall-E did. I might watch it again down the road, perhaps after I’ve spent a day at a national park.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Let This Traveling Circus Pass You By

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009)

A high school kid joins a strange traveling circus of sideshow freaks as he becomes a vampire’s protege and the central pawn in a vampire war.

This movie is a study in schizophrenic filmmaking: it should have a darker tone to match its look, closer to the Harry Potter series (especially the more recent entries), but it comes across as imitation Barry Sonnenfeld, like director Paul Weitz’s version of The Addams Family, especially in the wacky scenes with the hero’s family.

Relative newcomer Chris Massoglia plays Darren Shan, the bland high school kid, who with his best bud Steve (Josh Hutcherson) goes to Old Navy High School – at least everyone there dresses like they shop at that famous outfitter as they all wear khaki and pastel solids. I know they wanted to visually differentiate Darren’s old life with the more exotic, dangerous, and colorful life with the Cirque, but it just looks silly.

Darren is introduced to the lifestyle of the vampire, and his duties as assistant to Larter Crepsley (John C. Reilly) after striking a bargain with the stylish but still somewhat goofy vampire to save Steve’s life, after he is bitten by Crepsley’s pet super-spider. After he’s saved, the wayward Steve, who comes from a miserable broken home, is sucked into the world of the villainous and more than a bit weird Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris), a bald fat man who offers him everything he ever wanted.

A major problem with this movie is that, instead of focusing on telling a satisfying story with a beginning, middle, and end it is obviously setting things up for the other (hoped-for-by-the-producers) movies in the series (they condensed the first three books in a 12-part series for this one movie). I didn’t understand who the main villains were, what their beef was, or why I should care. There’s was much talk about a vampire war between the modern vampires who do not kill when they drink blood and the vampaneze (a really dumb sounding name) who do kill. But why is Mr. Tiny – who is not a vampire – involved in any of it? Is he the devil? A wizard? I found him more annoying that interesting (he seemed the most like an Addams Family cast off) He seems to know a lot, but never just spills the fucking beans, just talking around things (kind of like the baddies on Lost), but it appears to be one of those “it is written in the book of blah-blah-blah that two boys who were once friends, etc. etc.” I hate these “it is prophesied” stories. The bad guys are always so sure of themselves, but the good guys always win in the end.

The only real interesting character is Reilly’s Crepsley, a big reason probably being that we haven’t seen him do anything like this before. Massoglia is non-charismatic and instantly forgettable as Darren, while Hutcherson has the more interesting character arc of the two. Salma Hayek and Orlando Jones are among the actors who play the freaks but their physical attributes, a combination of make-up effects and CGI, are only slightly more interesting and memorable than the characters themselves. There’s also a goofy cameo by Willem Dafoe that was more a head scratcher than anything else, especially since he looked like Vincent Price complete with pencil thin mustache (although they reference another unseen character with that name). Twice he pops into the movie out of nowhere to deliver some info that’s probably relevant down the line in the sequel (which will never come), and then he leaves. It’s just weird and it doesn’t work.

Here is the theme behind what’s wrong with this movie: it’s afraid to embrace itself and truly be a freak. (I hope the filmmakers appreciate the irony.) Just as it starts to get creepy it turns away from that vibe. In the fight scenes, characters get mightily tossed around, but just as the viewer starts to get an adrenaline rush going, they stop, not wanting to go too far. The movie is afraid to embrace its true nature. It wants to play it safe and be all things to all people or in this case 8 year olds and their families, and 16 year olds and their friends. In the end, it serves no one.

At least out of all this mess there was one bright spot: about the only thing I did like was the music by Stephen Trask. Great main title score. He’s one to watch (and listen for).

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Subscriptions Available

Star Trek is Copyright 2010 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Smokey Comes to the Temple of Doom

So...last night's episode of Lost, called "Sundown" - pretty crazy, huh?

Sweetney put together an awesome recap of the episode over at, saving me the trouble of having to watch the episode 108 times to get down all the details as she does.

So pull up a bamboo chair, sip your favorite drink from a coconut, and relive this Smoke Monster-filled story.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Polish Your Light Cycles

I'm curious whether Alice in Wonderland, which opens on Friday, is going to get a bit of a boost at the box office as the new teaser trailer for Tron: Legacy will be attached to it.

From this description in Wired magazine, it sounds like the shit. December can't get here fast enough.

Now where did I leave my frisbee....

TV Potpourri

SciFI Wire has news on the upcoming Fringe second season finale. We've got six new episodes plus a two-part finale (so eight hours) coming our way starting April 1. This is probably my favorite show, perhaps even edging out Lost a bit. Nothing beats that incredible first season of Lost, but this may be one show where there is just too much going on - unless you re-watch each episode 108 times. Fringe is more streamlined in its storytelling, at least so far, and it doesn't have two dozen characters to keep track of and for which to supply interesting storylines.

They've also got some info on V, which return to the sched on March 30. My interest in V has cooled significantly. I'll likely watch the first two new episodes, but if it doesn't pull itself together and get it story and characters in line, then I'm going to drop it. And I hate to do that to a Morena Baccarin show - she's the best thing about this V-boot.

This might be old news, but a Battlestar Galactica vet is coming to FlashForward, which returns to our interocitor screens on March 18. Dr. Gaius Baltar himself, the great James Callis, has been cast in a recurring role. Maybe that will be the kick in the pants this show needs to get back to the sharp storytelling of its first few episodes.

I leave you with something non-TV show related but cooler than hell: a model of LOTR's Minas Tirith built out of matches!

Note "Space Illustrator" Passes has a piece up about noted illustrator Robert McCall who died on Friday, February 26.

Mr. McCall created the famous painting of the space station and Pan Am shuttle used to promote 2001: A Space Odyssey among other Hollywood movies. He worked on Star Trek: The Motion Picture providing concept art, much of it focusing on the V'Ger alien spacecraft.

He also worked for many years envisioning the future of space travel for NASA, giving us some incredible pieces of art that haven't been equalled. Concept artists and illustrators working in films today would do well to look to such greats as Robert McCall for inspiration.

The Trekmovie article has this link to a page with several pieces of Mr. McCall's ST:TMP artwork that I have never seen before, which is always a treat.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Breaking News from Network 23

I saw this on io9 recently and wanted to pass on you, the fine readers of BNFOS.

One of the coolest, most interesting and prescient science fiction shows ever created for television is FINALLY coming to DVD.

That's right, I'm talking about Max Headroom. This beloved series premiered in 1987, and in August Shout! Factory will release all 14 episodes of its extremely brief two season run on ABC. (Yes, technically the character of Max Headroom appeared prior to this series, but its unknown how much, if any, of the British tv movie and other appearances may end up on this set. What's for certain is you get the American sci fi show.)

Here's just a taste of Max Headroom's trademarked brand of madness on Late Night with David Letterman.