Ubiquitous TV pitchman Billy Mays, the bearded man with the booming voice has died today.
He will be wrapped in Zorbeez towels and buried in a giant OxiClean plastic coffin for only three easy payments of $29.95, but WAIT!, if you call NOW! we'll throw in a case each of Orange Glo and Kaboom for FREE!
Rival TV pitchman Vince "ShamWow!" Offer will belligerently scream the eulogy at memorial services.
All services will be videotaped and offered to the public in a forthcoming late night infomercial.