Friday, June 26, 2009

Because the name giant chewed up Tootsie Roll was taken

Another edition of Fuck You, Alien because we care.

Look at you, Blob, the only creature from another world to have their own catchy theme song*, and you let it completely go to your goddamn head. That is, if you had a head. According to your song you “creep, leap, glide and slide across the floor" but I’m not buying that fucking propaganda. Just one look at you tells me you’re more the “rolling ooze” type, like your freakish cousin Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I guess that doesn’t make for as catchy a song lyric.

And what’s with your aversion to a/c? You are just a giant Jell-O mold gone amuck, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I keep my Jell-O in the fridge, where it stays nice and cold – and stays put - until dinner time. I think your problem with cold is all just a big act, so you can end up suing the innocent a/c manufacturers, threaten to take them to court, and then settle for a huge sum. I see right through you, you translucent bastard.

Next time I see you, Blob, you better stay on your side of the street, because I’ll have a huge chilled can of whipped cream in my hand. And I will not hesitate to use it on you, freak.

* "Beware of the Blob." Go ahead, Google it and play it while you read this!

Disclaimer: The Blob movie image and the lyrics to the song "Beware of the Blob" are Copyright 2009 by their respective rights holders. No infringement of those rights is implied here.

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