Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)
Oh, to be a 9 year old boy. The kind that laughs at obvious fat guy jokes and pratfalls. Especially the fat guy pratfalls. And silly names like, "Blart" (hey, rhymes with fart).
The things Bad News From Outer Space does for you people. I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop; It held my attention, such as I could muster, better than last night's fare of Underworld 3: Rinse of Lysol. The movie concerns a Boston-area mall taken over by a bunch of bank robber-types who, except for the lead, were all played by BMX, skateboarding and free running action sport professionals. (There were a few featurettes among the shitload of DVD extras that highlighted their fairly awesome stunt work.) Kevin James' overweight, none-too-bright, and extremely overzealous mall security guard is all that stands in their way.
James' stand up routine was pretty funny. His sit-com, King of Queens, had some laughs in it as well (although I could never stand Jerry Stiller, who, thankfully is not in this movie). But here he and his co-writer Nick Bakay (of Sabrina: The Teenage Witch fame - he was the cat and a producer) aim squarely for that PG bracket and those aforementioned boys who LOVE fat jokes. Not cruel fat jokes but "nice" fat jokes. And a lot of silliness (there's even a fat guy fart joke).
During the movie, I kept thinking about that scene in the old Steve Martin film, Roxanne, Martin's retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac, where the clod at the bar makes fun of C.D.'s nose by calling him, "Big nose" as if that were a clever insult. C.D. (Martin) responds by coming up with not one clever nose joke, but 20*!
Roxanne, like Paul Blart, was a PG movie. That one scene in the bar has more laughs in it than the entire Blart movie.
My, how times and laugh quotients have changed.
*from IMDb's memorable quotes:
C.D.: Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow! Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming. Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late! Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear! Naughty: uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: you know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's IN IT that matters. Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle! Commercial: hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95! Polite: uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic: Everybody. He's got...(the crowd joins in) The whole world in his nose!
C.D.: Sympathetic: aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? Complimentary: you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure: whoa! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiring: when you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: saihr, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! Pornographic: finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once! How many is that?
Dean: Fourteen, Chief!
C.D.: Religious: the Lord giveth... and He just kept on giving, didn't He? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Paranoid: keep that guy away from my cocaine! Aromatic: it must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil. Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped. [he pauses, pretending to be stumped, while the crowd urges him on]
C.D. : All right. Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?