Tuesday, September 8, 2009

TV in YOUR Future

Here are some mid-season shows for the upcoming television season.

America’s Got Hasselhoff
A talent show featuring David Hasselhoff singing, dancing, acting, and eating hamburgers while lying on the floor. He will also act as judge and jury for himself. (Already pre-sold to German television markets.)

Ready, Set, Squid
The American adaptation of the hit water-based Japanese game show, What Is Your Cow Happening?

Mayhem and the Monkey
Max Mayhem is a down on his luck private eye in Las Vegas. He works the casino circuit for chips with his sidekick Mona, a monkey that he won in a bet. Mona is the brains in this modern day take on BJ & the Bear.

The Viagra Monologues
A new reality series, sponsored by Viagra and set in a special old folks home festooned with hidden cameras, where frat guys pretending to be old dudes finally “get some.”

Text and the City
Three hot chicks and one questionably hot chick in New York City bitch about men, buy a shitload of clothes, and text each other constantly about both those things.

Flash Rogers: Man Out of Time
A new spin on the classic space opera genre, Flash Rogers is our muscular, blonde haired hero who was cryogenically frozen in the year 2010 and revived 50 minutes later. He is now a man out of his time - his space-watch was busted in the freezing process, making him constantly late for meetings and appointments. He is our Everyman and we see the far-flung future through his “man out of time” eyes. (Sponsored by Casio and Timex, and Longines in certain European markets.)

R (e)x
A new medical drama that follows the lives of the dedicated doctors of Holy Sacred Virgin Miracle Sacrament Cross Hospital and their gold-digging ex-wives.

Badge & Gunn
A new police drama in the tradition of Starsky and Hutch that follows the exploits of a pair of unconventional detectives, John Badge and Thomas Gunn, who cruise the streets of a nameless urban city in their souped up Ford Fiesta (see, unconventional). The two bicker a lot, like The Honeymooners. At the end of each episode, fed up with politics and bureaucracy, they pledge to turn in their “badge and gun” confusing everyone who then just ignore them. (Factoid: the series was pitched as The Honeymooners with badges.)

Blast Furnace
A scifi action adventure show, featuring an ironic take on classic space opera filtered through a post-post-modern Charlie Kaufman-like sensibility. A sample of Blast's: “We hear explosions in the vacuum of space, yet we shouldn’t. This must mean we are but pawns in not only a writer’s mind, but those of a sound designer as well. Therefore we not only reflect on our place in the universe, but our place in the writer’s universe and the sound designer’s universe, and the universes of everyone else who worked on this magnificent piece of mind theater.” (Sponsored by Sominex, Ipecac and Excedrin.)

Aging Rocker Roulette
The Dating Game meets Rock of Love. A new reality show where a vacant-eyed, big-boobed chick who thinks she’s “hawt” gets to choose between one of three aging rockers each of whom hasn’t had a hit since before she was born. Promises to be even creepier than it sounds.

Waves of Love
A new comedy that follows the wacky hijinks of the doctors and nurses of a cruise ship that is perpetually under attack from Somali pirates. “There’s disco aerobics on the Lido Deck, the afternoon Binge & Purge Buffet has been laid out, and —LOOK OUT! PIRATES WITH MACHINE GUNS!”

Meteroid and Me
A scifi comedy about a man who is hit by a meteor that lodges in his brain. The meteor is actually an intelligent female alien who constantly squabbles with the man about his life and “male habits.” It's like Dharma & Greg if Dharma were a meteor.

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