Sit down and shaddup!

There’s a new all-movie network on the airwaves called, THiS TV, which according to Wiki is designed for “digital television subchannels.” (That just means reception comes and goes.)

Wiki also states THiS TV’s content is supplied from the MGM/UA film libraries. That explains the airing of The Magnificent Seven, and ALL of its sequels, Return of the Seven, Guns of the Magnificent Seven, and The Magnificent Seven Ride. What, no Saturday morning cartoon series: The Magnificent Teen Seven? Lassie and the Magnificent Seven (remember the cartoon version of Lassie)? Wee Magnificent Seven (for the under 7 yr old set)? ANYway…

They’ve had some gems on THiS over the last few weeks, including Scream, Blackula, Scream, starring the one and only William Marshall, who played the “King of Cartoons” on Pee Wee’s Playhouse and former computer genius/madman Dr. Richard Daystrom on Star Trek.

They also played The Babysitter, a 1980 TV movie with William Shatner and Stephanie Zimbalist in the title role. It’s your standard “babysitter movie” plot where the hot, young, seemingly innocent spawn-watcher worms her way into a family’s life and the father’s heart/pants. It was a gas watching Shatner as he had so many gestures and mannerisms that matched EXACTLY what he had done in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which he shot the year before this project. If this movie is repeated I’m going to record it then spool up ST:TMP on DVD and have Shatner deliver all his V’Ger-related dialogue to the nubile Stephanie Zimbalist. I’ll also have Quinn Cummings (!), who plays Shatner’s young daughter, voice Commander Decker. Cummings hates her babysitter, so that will match Decker’s hate for Kirk taking over his job. Plus the Quinn Cummings’ lisp will be a hoot coming out of Stephen Collins’ mouth.

One thing I want to know after watching The Babysitter is why no one in these types of movies – and there have been more than a few - notices the girl is crazy-bonkers. It’s easy to see because SHE NEVER BLINKS! And she's always smiling, like she's a fembot, or Haley Joel Osment in A.I. (watch it – he NEVER blinks and it’s SOO creepy!).

Come to think of it, Yul Brynner, who donned his Magnificent Seven costume to play the Gunslinger android in Westworld, never blinked in that movie either. There's a babysitter film for you: Yul Brynner as the unblinking, unsmiling babysitter who worms his way into an unsuspecting family's life. He'd deliver all his lines in that terrific Rameses II/King of Siam stentorian staccato, "Do not WORRY, Dr. and Mrs. Jennings! Go ABOUT your BUSINESS. Your DAUGHTER will be SAFE with ME! NOTHING can go WORNG!"

Only on THiS TV!