Monday, April 27, 2009


I got the tip from Pop Candy that Hollywood Wax Museum is auctioning off a buttload of its wax and fiberglass figures.

I don’t know about you, but wax figures creep me the hell out. And more often than not, they don’t really resemble the person depicted, as outlined below.

Don Johnson’s Sonny Crockett would make a great pastel-wearing Charles Bronson.

Dr. Zaius (Planet of the Apes, and a friend of this blog), with his big saucer eyes, looks rather like Macauly Culkin.

Michael Keaton’s fiberglass Batman looks like one of those 4” action figures after it’s been zapped for a few minutes in your mom’s microwave oven. It looks like shit.

Alec Guinness’ Obi Wan Kenobi looks more like one of the Golden Girls.

Laurence Fishburne’s Morpheus head would make a great Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Capote.

The Sylvester Stallone Rambo figure is wearing Liza Minnelli’s wig, and appears somewhat emaciated. Buddy, just kill and eat one of the other wax figures. We won't mind.

Indiana Jones (from Last Crusade) wears an "imitation leather bomber jacket” that looks like it came from Kmart! This figure looks like ASS!

Denzel Washington's Crimson Tide figure looks more like Philip Michael Thomas (Tubbs from Miami Vice).

Mel Gibson as Braveheart appears to be modeled on Frank Stallone. Yes, Frank Fucking Stallone.

Heavens to mergatroid! Patrick Swayze as Dalton from Road House! He's shoeless (why?). And where's his back up, Sam Elliott? "Wax figures ain't got time to melt."

But the Jay Leno figure looks perfect.


  1. I gotta imagine that this one will get TONS of bids:

    Group of three stagehands wax figures

    I would pay good money, though, for Charlton Heston as Moses (even though he looks more like Will Farrell's Mr. Maddox character on SNL - the homeless man who poses nude for art classes).

  2. I stared at the Moses figure FOREVER wondering who the hell he looked like. You nailed it with the Will Ferrell character! LOL