Who was that masked man?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Unless you’ve been under a rock (and if you have been, what are you, a reptile or something; are you a Gorn?) you have heard about the swine flu that’s hit near pandemic proportions around the globe.

But while the swine flu is a terrible thing indeed, and everyone seems to be sporting the now-proven-unless Michael Jackson surgical masks to ward it off (he-he-HE), I’m hear to remind you about some other health hazards that don’t get the spotlight nearly as much as others. Of course I’m talking about “Cat Scratch Fever” and the even more dreaded “Boogie Fever.”

If you find yourself bow hunting in your local Albertson’s supermarket parking lot while sitting on the hood of your Hummer, you most likely have tednugentococcus, more commonly known as Cat Scratch Fever. You need to see a doctor, and possibly listen to something other than 70s Classic Rock for a few months.

And if you find yourself eating pizza and dancin’ to the beat, rockin’ and a-reelin’ all night long (doing the bump, bump, bump), well get your bad, and infected, self to a physician, STAT. You have come down with none other than Boogie Fever.

I think they're going around.