Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Speaking of Nomad. I want one. A full-sized Nomad. With lights and working antenna. Anti-grav optional.

Star Wars fans can purchase full-sized replicas of Darth Vader, Yoda, R2 and 3PO, and a Stormtrooper, along with helmets and light sabers. Fans of the Alien and Predator films can get life-sized versions of those iconic characters from officially licensed companies. The Lost In Space robot and Gollum from Lord of the Rings can be had in life-sized replicas. And that's just off the top of my head.

So who's the "genius" behind Star Trek merchandising because he or she is NOT doing their job. Yes, we have communicators, tricorders and phasers - as toys and higher priced collectibles -but there should also be an affordable full-sized Nomad replica, plus a smaller one you can have on your desk at work. There should be a life-sized Medusan Ambassador box (with lights), complete with red-tinted goggles you HAVE to wear when you open it, lest you go insane.

In addition to the life sized replicas, when they make Star Trek action figures, make more than just the usual Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura and a Klingon. Make Rukk the android. And Andrea the girl-bot in that criss-crossed jumpsuit. Make Balok and his alter ego (there's a two-pack for you). Make Commodore Decker. Make a Harry Mudd in-action figure. Make a Maab action figure, with kligot hurling action. Make a Gary Seven, Roberta Lincoln two-pack. Make the hot Romulan Commander from The Enterprise Incident. Make a "Janos Prohaska" line, featuring his creature creations like the Horta, Yarnek the Rock man, and the Mugato. Make the Doomsday Machine planet killer, complete with little Enterprise and Constellation ships. Make the Amok Time playset, complete with arena and pillars, all the weapons, and a T'Pau figure in a sedan chair. Have some imagination.

Kenner of Hasbro has a line of Batman action figures that a few years ago turned out its 100th variation. They had plain old Batman, of course, but also an artic version, a red one, a green one, a flying one, one with this snap on feature, one with that snap on feature, and on, and on, and on. No matter which Batman was in theaters, or which Batman comic books were popular, or which Batman animated series was on the air, they kept putting out new Batman figures. And the kids, and adults, kept on buying them.

Star Wars fans are lucky because George Lucas is one man who likes to make money, and he knows how to do it - by giving them practically everything they want (except of course for a pristine DVD or HD cut of the theatrical versions of the Original Trilogy, unmolested by special edition changes). Practically every character, prop, spaceship, weapon, whatever has been done as an action figure, prop replica, toy, model, full-sized replica, you name it. That's how the Star Trek property needs to be approached before its core fan base is all collecting social security and spending what little money it has on prescription drugs. "Hmmm, this months meds or a full sized M4, complete with plastic baggie filled with rytalin?"

CBS Studios, are you listening? If you want someone to spearhead Star Trek merchandising call me, I'll do the job right.


  1. I suggest a Nomad Lysol dispenser - that way you can sterilize to your heart's content!

    Also - they already have a Doomsday Machine snack available:


    Judging from the Saturated Fat content, these are just as deadly as the real thing.

  2. I KNEW it was Bugles you were linking...

  3. Well, of course - Bugles are so OBVIOUSLY based on the Doomsday Machine!

  4. da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, DAH-DUM