Sunday, April 4, 2010

Less Than Super Movie

Superhero Movie (2008)

The superhero movie genre spoof Superhero Movie starts with not one, not two but THREE head-bashing moments for our hero. Crying out for the school bus to stop, it does and he runs into the side mirror, then the Stop sign - which should be on the LEFT side not the right side of the bus - opens up and he smashes into it (for the sake of this non-joke it was moved to the wrong side), then the bus doors open on his face.

They should have put up Biff! Bam! and Pow! sound effects cards.

This is one big fat waste of a film and everyone's time (the studio should have donated the money to charity, or the coke habits of the upper crust management). It uses the storyline of Spider-Man (instead of a spider our hero is bitten by a dragonfly) to weakly spoof it and the X-Men and whatever other superhero movies it can squeeze into its lamebrained mix.

Drake Bell does not register as the Peter Parker-doppelganger high-schooler Rick Riker. Comedian Kevin Hart, who looks around 40, is his best bud; the comedian, who was great in The 40 Year Old Virgin, does nothing here. Leslie Nielsen and Marion Ross are the Uncle Ben and Aunt May substitutes (please Mr. Nielsen, learn to say "No" and retire with a shred of dignity). Tracy Morgan does generate a few laughs as Professor Xavier (he starts out in a wheelchair and changes his modes of transportation without explanation, to things like a Segway and an entire toilet bowl). Brent Spiner doesn't register (surprise) in the role of the Big Bad's chief scientist.

This movie is lame. Lame, lame, lame. It throws Pam Anderson into the mix as the Invisible Woman (who is fooling around with Prof. X). Newsflash people: Pam is 43 years old, but looks 50; she is NO LONGER the 25 year old hottie she was when she first donned the red Speedo bathing suit for Baywatch. Let her be a sexy 43 year old woman (if that's possible) and let's stop pretending for her sake and everyone else's that she's under the age of 30. She most definitely is NOT. The spackling and whatnot from her numerous boob jobs and plastic surgeries are showing through. It's not pretty. Stop it.

This stupid waste of time is just lame pratfalls, fart jokes and other seriously overused, unoriginal crap. It's "humor" is aimed at stupid 10 year old boys. Even scanning through it will not change the fact that it will steal precious moments from your life. Don't let this super-suck do that to you.

Having said all that, I did like the end title song "Superbounce" sung by Drake Bell. While the movie sinks, it swings.

1 comment:

  1. Your heroic sacrifice in enduring this piece of cinematic sledge and warning us all will be retold throughout the ages like "Beowulf" or the Kalevala forming the basis for a new digital mythology: the "Blog Saga" or "Blaga".

    If only those with ears will hear, and eyes shall read...