Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wouldst Thou Joinest Me in Yon Airshaft?

It's another "Fuck You, Alien!*" This one's dedicated to Kim Jong Il. Lil Kimmy J may be a rat bastard, but with his pseudo-Nehru jackets and 1950s eyeglasses, he's a stylin' rat bastard!

"What shit through yonder window breaks?"

This is just what we needed: a monster who thinks he can act! Look at him posing there with his, well, claw held aloft in the manner of a Shakespearean actor (that’s pronounced “ack-toar”). You know sooner or later he’s going to need a fucking skull to put into that empty claw. Is that how you want to end up? A prop in some crazy alien’s Hamlet fantasy? I didn’t think so.

He’s trying to downplay the whole killing you for your skull thing, but don’t be fooled by those deep set but still very beady eyes, or the cool expression on that lettuce-meets-pig-meets-piranha head of his. Keep your wits about you, and you may live to see another day. Just nod at the guy when you see him after the play, but keep your distance and make no sudden moves. Talk about the weather, the cab ride over, or maybe the latest Jon & Kate shenanigans, but move slowly to the nearest exit.

And whatever you do, don’t ask him to sign your Playbill copy.

* Inspired by the little-known George Bernard Shaw classic, Fuck You Penguin.

Image from It! The Terror from Beyond Space copyright its respective rights holder. No infringement of those rights is implied.

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