Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Imperfect Holiday Gifts

Well, another Christmas season has ended. Soon now-brittle trees will be carted out to the sidewalk for disposal and wreaths and ornaments will be stored away until next year.

And gifts that were exchanged are now…brought back to retailers for full refunds. Yes, despite the well-meaning intentions, some gifts just aren’t the right fit, or just rub people the wrong way, or are just way dangerous and pervy.

We’ve polled retailers nationwide and, hands down, the number 1 returned item this season has been the "Nomad Home Probe" from Roykirk Industries (model #MK-15c).

Here are just a few of the comments culled from return forms:

“This thing tried to mount my Roomba vacuum! What kind of pervert are you people selling?”

“My husband was singing in the living room on the new karaoke set the kids got him for Christmas, when Nomad comes in and zaps him. Now he can’t remember who he is!”

“My Nomad seems to be conspiring with the appliances in my kitchen. I see him hovering around the microwave all the time, calling it “Tan Ru.” I seen I, Robot and I don’t want that to happen to me!

"Nomad keeps “accidentally” floating in on my wife while she’s in the shower. I wouldn’t mind so much, but his antennae are always fully extended, which creeps her out."

“Every time I try to watch Jersey Shore, Nomad yells something about how he must “sterilize imperfections,” then fires an energy bolt at the tv. But then for a half hour afterwards, he hovers around mumbling something about wanting to tap Snookie’s exhaust port.”

Star Trek is Copyright 2011 and a Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from

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