Rewind: The Eliminators Movie Review

Before we close out 2-aught-12, we rewind the blog back to February 13, 2010 and this look at the cult 80s Charles Band flick, The Eliminators!

A scientist, a ninja, and a Mandroid walk into a bar

Eliminators (1986)

Not a review, but more a stream of consciousness reaction. This is "Man with a Laptop Watches a Movie II."

“Empire Pictures Presents” – Yikes, that was Charles Band’s company and a sure sign that quality will not be a huge consideration.

Generic keyboard soundtrack right off the bat. There’s also a little blast of music when the Eliminators title flashes on screen, a true hallmark of 1980s cinema along with mullets and leg warmers.

“Peggy Mannix?” – Did Joe Mannix have a kid in between all his investigating and beating up thugs for Intertect?

Stock footage of a WWII era plane going down. The pilot is saying “may day, may day” but it sounds like “ribbit, ribbit.”

I didn’t realize Vasquez Rocks was colonized by Roman soldiers.

Now THIS is a fun (non-Casio keyboard) score that just kicked in, set to what looks like Charles Bands version of 2001’s slit scan photography.

“Help the Mandroid from the cage Takata.” How many times have we heard THAT before?

Mandroid looks like the love child of an old school Cylon and an HVAC surplus store.

Mad scientist Roy Dotrice as Reeves does his own electrolysis. But does he bill his insurance?

The Mandroid needs his “Mobile Unit?” Ohhh.

The Mandroid’s Mobile Unit kicks serious ass. It's got treads like a tank, that thing is amazing! Robocop needs to get him one a those for his new movie.

Why would the Mandroid EXIT Reeves' compound and THEN turn and scream out “Reeves!” How is he going to hear him?

Mandroid looks like he’s got a swamp cooler coming out of his back. That or a four-slice toaster.

This forest is filled with nothing but fog machines, spotlights and heartache.

DENISE CROSBY ALERT! Wait, she’s only 20-something and she’s a COLONEL? Of what?

Why does her buddy S.P.O.T. look almost exactly like V.I.N.CENT. from The Black Hole? Perhaps it has something to do with a purloined plastic model kit. And why does S.P.O.T. turn into an irritating ball of bouncing light?

Good thing Mandroid used the green sleep gas, like comics' Dr. Mid-Nite.

The Mandroid shops at Home Depot for all his black-tarp-as-coat needs.

That’s a lot of sparks, Mandroid better get MAACO.

First Mandroid, then Data, Denise Crosby must have a thing for cybermen.

“Seach Patrol and Operational Tactician.” Wait that spells….
Aww, little dude likes The Jetsons.

Andrew Prine is rockin’ that sleeveless army shirt. Not really. Dude’s spindly arms look like the average 10 year old kid’s legs.

Look out, it’s Rosie O’Donnell’s stunt double! Wearing plaid!

It’s “Rednecks on Mexican Waters!” Sounds like a new Disney ride.

Boat chases and explosions? Is this a Bond movie? No, not James Bond, Gomer Bond (his third cousin, twice removed).

Why is “Bayou Betty” boating around with a foppish French maitre d?

Little S.P.O.T. has a full Qwerty keyboard.

Why does Mandroid always sound like he has a mouth full of marbles and he’s speaking in slow motion? Even Stephen Hawking is easier to understand.

“Quo Vadis means “we kick ass”?” Must be a new translation.

This is a sci fi movie, so why all the unnecessary “Dukes of Hazzard on Water” stunts?

So that swamp cooler on Mandroid’s back is just some kind of mounting bracket for S.P.O.T?

All this tromping around over boulders and forest reminds me of Korg, 70,000 B.C. What?

Is this some kind of weird sci fi version of Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness,” with the long, slow boat trip up the river?

Mandroid and S.P.O.T. overboard! They’ll probably be swallowed by a giant anaconda or Jennifer Lopez (yes, that was redundant).

“John, oh my GAWD!” – suddenly Denise is Snooki from Jersey Shore.

It’s really nice to see old-fashioned hand drawn cell animated energy bolt things. (wipes away a tear)
Roy Dotrice really needs to learn to use a needle and thread better, because his facial scars are just getting nastier. (They look like one of those dotted line trails of Billy from Family Circus when he wanders to and fro.)

Mandy and S.P.O.T. walk and float, respectively, out of the water. Now S.P.O.T. is a big useless squirt gun (so much for the Super Soaker tie in).

CAVEMEN ARE ATTACKING DENISE CROSBY! And, wtf, Andrew Prine is somehow pulled underwater and captured in a giant homemade cage.

“Oh, hi, ninja” Mandroid doing a Tommy Wiseau impression to Kuji the Ninja as he ninja-squats near a fire.

I gotta ask: How many mad scientist’s Japanese assistants have ninja sons? I’m taking a poll for Gallup.

Since when do ninjas have mullets? That’s like number one on the ninja checklist: NO mullets.

I can’t tell if that’s a caveman or cavewoman. Since it’s got Betty White’s hairstyle I’m gonna go with cavewoman.

Ninja with nunchuks vs. cavepeople with spears. Care to wager on that outcome?

Mandroid’s feet have little boat motors in them? Was he built by Evinrude?

“We got robots, we got cave men, we got kung fu!” (Andrew Prine) – That should have been the tagline for the poster.

Mandroid hid his Mobile Unit by leaving it out in plain sight? Wile E. Coyote could have done a better job of hiding it.

LOOKOUT, IT’S MEGAFORCE MOTORCYCLE REJECTS! Their windshields are made of a kind of flyswatter-mesh material instead of plastic. That breaks so many automotive and mad scientist safety rules.

The Mobile Unit is toast! Because he tried to drive it up a boulder and it fell over? What an ignominious end.

The fat henchman who acts like a spazzy extra from The Fall Guy takes a tumble.

I can appreciate the fact these guys get into so much trouble, but I just wish any of it were the least bit interesting. It's like The Lord of the Rings: they're trying to get to a place to do a thing, and keep running into obstacles. But instead of orcs and Nazgul, the Eliminators run into fat guys, cavemen, and Mexican hench-hombres. It somehow lacks a certain zing.

Mandroid looks like he needs a cuddle with Denise Crosby. Heck, she once did it with Data, so we know she’s “into” machines.

S.P.O.T.’s back but the little iSHIT is possessed or something.

Strike the pose: Kuji the ninja is vogue-ing to avoid S.P.O.T.’s wee laser blasts.

Ninja sword to S.P.O.T.’s CPU! Go gently into that digital goodnight, sweet S.P.O.T.

They simply walk out of Backlit Forest right up to the mad scientist’s lair and no one notices.

You are shitting me! Kuji the ninja just JUMPED through the blades of a giant spinning fan. Is there nothing that a Supercuts' mullet won’t allow you to do?

Now they’re in Indiana Jones’ rumpus room with all the shiny idols and “fortune and glory.”

Roy Dotrice wants to go back in time and rule ancient Rome? “Hail Reeves” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Hail Caesar!”

This mad scientist has the worst dressed hench-people: it’s all faded denim and plaid and golf shirts. WHERE’S THE ONE PIECE SINGLE-COLORED DR. NO-APPROVED JUMPSUITS?

One well-thrown shuriken can sure mess up an ion disruptor cannon big time.

Does Roy Dotrice get paid for every time he utters the name “Mandroid?”

With his last Radio Shack transistor the Mandroid saves his friends. (sniff)

Reeve’s time machine looks like a giant prototype for a flux capacitor.

Andrew Prine just punched the mad scientist’s computer. Ah, the old days of vacuum tubes and do-it-yourself tech support.

Great Land of the Lost-type partial set and matte painting/miniature of the Silurian Era!

They freeze-frame on our heroes laughing at their victory a la Police Squad…and it’s over!

Eliminators was written by Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo, one of their first efforts for producer Charles Band. They went on to write, produce or direct such genre gems as The Flash tv show, The Rocketeer and The Sentinel. You can tell they were influenced by comic books, Star Wars and Steven Spielberg movies with the whole "lovable scoundrel teams up with a Ninja, a beautiful scientist, and a Cyborg" angle. But they simply didn't have a budget to do this justice. Three quarters of the movie seems to be the river boat trip and stomping around in the woods. It fills time but it's not a whole lot of fun. Of course if you had better actors, it might have been a different story.

Denise Crosby is all over the place; at times she's fine, then other times she gives a line delivery that makes you cringe. Roy Dotrice should have been in charge of set demolition with all the scenery he got to chew at the end as Reeves 2.0 the Superbot. Top-billed Andrew Prine acts like he's in an episode of a typical 80s tv show, like Dynasty or Hart to Hart; he's serviceable at best. And Patrick Reynolds as John the Mandroid had the hardest part in the movie, walking around in what must have been a very hot and confining costume. His performance was very wooden at the start (a mistake so many people playing androids or cyborgs seem to make), but he loosened up toward the end, only to have his character buy the digital farm. The less said about R2-D2-by-way-of-V.I.N.CENT. rip-off S.P.O.T. the better (for comic relief why do they always go with Smuf-cute instead of Bandit from Jonny Quest cute). As I said above, the Heart of Darkness parallel is quite evident, but it's also evident director Peter Manoogian just didn't have the inventiveness or creativity to do anything with it.

I would kill for an R/C miniature of the Mandroid and his Mobile Unit (you could probably cannibalize one of those Robocop figures to start with). Come on prop and model makers, get on that !!

Eliminators poster image Copyright its Respective Rights Holder. No infringement of those rights is intended with this review.

HAPPY HOLIDAZE EVERYONE!

STAR TREK is a Registered Trademark and Copyright 2012 by CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody.  Screencap from TREKCORE.COM.Ikea Monkey still as stylish as ever.

Rewind: The Pope As Movie Reviewer

Pope Benedict was in the news recently and it made me think of this BNFOS post from January 13, 2010.

The Pope as Movie Reviewer 

According to this article brought to my attention by Friend of the Blog JW, the Vatican is weighing in on James Cameron’s billion dollar grossing film Avatar.

Due to its pro-nature stance the Holy See views it as “neo-paganism” and believes it dangerous in that it turns “nature into a ‘new divinity.’”

Now that the Pope is in the movie review business, I think he should go whole hog. With that in mind I present: “Ebert and Pope Benedict XVI and The Movies.”

Here are some fun factoids gleaned from the first several episodes screened for reporters:

-They end their movie reviews with a Thumbs Up and a Papal Blessing, or a Thumbs Down and a Contemno ex Skeletorus (Condemn This Movie to Hell).

-The Pope, unlike Roger, claims to possess the ability of Filmitus Inerrantum or Movie Infallibility (in other words, his movie reviews are NEVER wrong).

-Roger Ebert has his “Great Movies,” the Pope has “Pontiff’s Picks.”

-When they review the occasional drive-in movie, Benedict insists they use the Popemobile as it has a bitchin' 7.1 sound system.

-The Pope's mitre doubles as a popcorn bucket.

-The Pope's staff can be used to yank noisy patrons from their seats.

-The Pope’s favorite movie snack is Holy Grail Gummis.

-The Pope sits squarely with Team Jacob.

-Roger Ebert is The Answer Man. Pope Benedict XVI is The Answer Man of the Almighty Eternal One Who is Most High (the Church loves its titles).

-When Pope Benedict gets up and walks across a row of seats to head to the restroom, his robes make absolutely no sound thanks to fine Italian silk from blessed worms.

-The Pope has been known to “heal” a broken film strip with a wave of his hand.

-The Pope hosts "Movies with a Mass" - a retrospective of films featuring the mass. (Not to be confused with "Movies and a Mass" on Sundays when you have a film preceding a mass.)

-In addition to the Popemobile, the “Pontiff of the Projector” has been known to arrive at movie premieres in the Popecycle, the Popeboat, the Popecopter and, occasionally, the Liturgical Limo.

-The Pope closes each show with, “That’s it for this week’s edition. Until next week, the Basilica is closed.”

-Jealous rivals refer to the show as the "one with the Pulitzer Prize Winner and the Old Guy with the Big Pointy Hat."

-Every summer, St. Peter's Basilica projects a Led Zeppelin Lazer Show. (This last one has nothing to do with movie reviews, His Holiness simply likes to rock it to Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven, of course.)

Ikea Monkey To Make Film Debut

Sources who must remain anonymous have confirmed to this reporter that the world famous "Ikea Monkey" will be appearing in the upcoming, eagerly-anticipated film Star Trek Into Darkness.

The following screen grab confirms that Ikea Monkey has been updated, slightly, for the movie.  The good news is his impeccable fashion sense appears to make it intact to the 23rd century.

STAR TREK is a Registered Trademark and Copyright 2012 by CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody.  Screencap from TREKCORE.COM.

Chuck Norris vs Frankenstein!

Quick, what's the name of the only horror movie that chop-socky legend Chuck Norris has ever done?

If you answered Silent Rage, then you were correct.  You were probably also one of the other nine people in the theater to see this horror/scifi turkey upon its release (some might say "escape") in 1982.

In it Big Chuck plays a small town sheriff (is there any other kind in movies - Arnold Schwarzenegger also plays a small town sheriff in his first flick since leaving the Governator role behind), who runs into some tall gangly weirdo killer who is shot fulla lead, and then while knockin' on death's door, subsequently experimented on by a couple of weirdo CSI/scientist types who basically turn him into an unstoppable (read, unkillable) zombie killing machine. 

Chuck don't take too kindly to unstoppable low-rent Terminator-types killing up his small town, so his boots get a good workout, what with about 175 spin kicks in the movie.

Why did Chuck Norris do a horror movie, you ax (get it - horror movie - ax)?  Well, this was a Chuck-before-the-beard flick, so we can forgive him for this lapse in judgment/good taste/grooming just once.

Here's the trailer for this nonsense.

U.F.O. T.H.E.M.E.

Do you remember a tv series called UFO?  It was produced by the great Gerry Anderson of Thunderbirds and Space: 1999 fame.

UFO followed the adventures of the secret organization called S.H.A.D.O. (ten quatloos if you can recall what that acronym stands for) as it monitored and defended earth from alien attackers.

UFO featured nifty future fashions, and tons of cool miniature effects courtesy of the late, great Derek Meddings and modelmaker extraordinare Martin Bower.  There was the Moonbase and their Interceptor spacecraft (they look a bit like early versions of BSG's Viper fighters), the orbiting S.I.D. (Space Intruder Detector), the mighty Mobiles and lest we forget, the incredible SkyDiver submarine with detachable Sky 1 fighter.

Oh, this shit rocked.

UFO also had one of the snazziest theme songs out there, composed by Barry Gray.  So put on your go-go boots (and purple wigs) and lets go hunt aliens.  I'll fire up the Interceptors.

Trekking Into Darkness

After for-freaking-ever it seemed, we finally have some new stuff regarding the 2013 Star Trek Into Darkness film.

Namely a poster that looks like it rips off The Dark Knight Rises, which isn't such a bad thing except that TDKR just came out this summer!  (poster from Collider.com)

And more that just the poster, we have a pair of teaser trailers uploaded to YouTube, one for North Am auds:

And a Japanese version with some interesting extra footage at the end:

The teasers don't really hint at much of a story - they are just teasers, after all, but they definitely have me interested.  When STID comes out in May it will have been four long years since they relaunched the franchise with 2009's Star Trek.  See you opening weekend.

When Classic TV Shows Collide

Ain't It Cool News correspondent Quint has posted a really cool photo in his ongoing Behind The Scenes feature.

This time around the space time continuum was seriously messed with because a comic book icon meets a couple of scifi TV stars.  We're talking none other than Batman's Robin the Boy Wonder (Burt Ward) and Lost In Space's Will and Penny Robinson (Billy Mumy and Angela Cartwright).

It's truly awesome that all three are in their costumes (too bad the Batmobile and the Robot aren't also in the shot).  It's also funny that they are obviously on some studio backlot as there is a building behind them but a giant boulder is on the street in the shot with them.

Hollywood magic at its best. (from AintItCool.com)

Incredible Star Trek TOS Artwork

Animator and artist extraordinaire Dusty Abell has uploaded a Star Trek: TOS poster to his Deviant Art page that is nothing short of phenomenal.

The idea according to Abell was to feature some element from each of the original 79 episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series.  There's simply so much to love about this piece: the Enterprise has never looked better, the likenesses of the actors/characters - while being caricatures - is amazing, the setting itself (check out the Triskelion flooring!).  Also, Abell stated he put Lazarus on top of Vaal figuring he'd be falling off something sooner or later.  Priceless.

A poster seems too small for this artwork.  I wish I had a projector to shine this image up on a wall to stare at it all day!  (originally found on the John Byrne Forum)

Tolkien To Trek

It was just announced that if you go to see The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey in IMAX when it opens in December as a treat you will also get to see the first nine minutes of next summer's Star Trek Into Darkness.

Just as Christopher Nolan did with the last two Dark Knight films and Brad Bird did with Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, Star Trek director JJ Abrams lensed his new film's major action scenes in the ginormous IMAX format.

It will be four years since the ST reboot/reimagining/rejiggering when the full movie finally bows in May, and the hype sure to come from the IMAX sneak peeks will get those dilithium crystals glowing white hot, which can only be a good thing.  (from The Wrap.com)

Even Zombies Have A Heart

The instant classic Shaun of the Dead was advertised as a Rom-Zom-Com, ("Romantic Zombie Comedy").  The titular character had to go through the normal travails of a romantic comedy to save his sweetie during a zombie outbreak.

Warm Bodies is a new film from Jonathan Levine, the director of a great little movie called 50/50 (the comedy where Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character finds out he has cancer).  Unlike Shaun this is a true Rom-Zom-Com - a zombie actually falls in love with a human!

The zombie is played by talented Nicholas Hoult (last seen by me as Beast in X-Men: First Class; Hoult also did great work in About A Boy), and the girl is played by the lovely Teresa Palmer.

The first trailer for Warm Bodies is here, and it looks very promising. (Trailer found at Collider.com)

First Trailer for World War Z

World War Z. It was a best-selling book chronicling the aftermath of a worldwide zombie war.  Now it's a movie starring Brad Pitt and directed by Marc (Monster's Ball, Quantum of Solace) Forster.

This first trailer for World War Z looks...interesting.  For years we had the slow, shambling zombies popularized by George A. Romero's trilogy of Dead films, and continued in the current Walking Dead TV series.  After Danny Boyle's terrific 28 Days Later and Zack Snyder's remake of Dawn of the Dead, we also have the fast moving zombies.  Forster now gives us a third wrinkle, the zombie swarm: like a horde of ants or school of fish, with hundreds, even thousands, of zombies moving extremely fast.  (What's next, parkour zombies?)

I wonder if this is going to be a problem with the movie, as the human eye can quickly detect when something is not right with another human figure, which is a huge issue with CGI people in movies today.  CGI figures often come off as creepy, as in the Polar Express or Beowulf, or the too-quick movements of Spidey in the first Spider-Man film reading as false.

Another big issue is that the movie, at least from the trailer, does not appear to follow the novel.  The book was a thoughtful series of anecdotes that painted a picture of the devastating worldwide zombie epidemic done ten years after the war ended. The movie looks to be Brad Pitt Vs. The Zombies (and that's a title that would read better if it were Bruce Campbell Vs.The Zombies).

Guess we'll find out next summer.  (from IndieWire.com's The Playlist blog)

A KISS (Concert) Is Still A KISS (Concert)

STAR TREK is a Registered Trademark and Copyright 2012 by CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com.

Mickey Mousea, Meesa Am Your Papa!

Holy F------ S---!

The Force was certainly strong for the Walt Disney Company as they just bought Lucasfilm Ltd from George Lucas for $4.05 Billion (from The Hollywood Reporter.com).  The Mouse House now owns not only Star Wars but Indiana Jones as well.

This news is shocking.  Just shocking.  I don't know how to feel about it.  What do we have to look forward to, new shorts with Mickey Mouse AND Jar Jar Binks?

Star Wars is a huge part of my scifi DNA.  Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back are PERFECT movies.  You can have your Ewoks and your Jar Jar and your Prequels.

Disney says to expect a NEW Star Wars movie in three years. One suggestion: get Steven Spielberg to direct it.

Noah Puts His Flood Pants On

Seriously, were pants even invented in the time of Noah (of the Ark fame).  The pic is from Collider.com.

Is this Darren Aronofsky film, "Noah," a futuristic "biblepunk" version of the Flood myth?

"The Most Interesting Man In The World" Was In Star Trek

One of my favorite commercials of the last several years has been Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man In The World" series.

The commercials feature a distinguished looking man in his 70s, always smartly dressed, and always surrounded by beautiful young women and excited people.  The narrator lists his many accomplishments, feats and achievements, such as "he is the only man to ace a Rorschach test," "his legend precedes him the way lightning precedes thunder," "if he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there," and "he once punched a magician...that's right, you heard me."

The man is actually actor Jonathan Goldsmith, and blog io9.com points out that Goldsmith appeared in Star Trek: The Original Series, in the episode"The Corbomite Maneuver."

Knowing the Most Interesting Man In The World appeared on the Most Interesting SciFi Show In The World, we humbly offer the following:

His beard can make the Vulcan hand salute.

His personal magnetism is often mistaken for a tractor beam.

Capt. Kirk got to be the ladies man he is by reading merely the index of his little black book.

He can speak Klingon in Romulan.

His phaser is set to "stunning."

His beard always transports ahead of him, just in case there's trouble.

His wink has been known to stun a charging Gorn.

He can recharge dilithium crystals with just his smile.

The galactic library Memory Alpha calls him for fact-checking.

His beard is worshipped by Tribbles.

His hailing frequencies are always open...for adventure!

He is...The Most Interesting Man In The Star Trek World.  

"Stay Trekkie, my friends."

Bill and Ted's Not-At-All-Excellent Cyber Adventure

Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

This was an incredibly dull movie. And a stoopid one, at that; Johnny Moronic some have called it.

Keanu Reeves plays our hero, data courier Johnny who smuggles information in his noggin in the world of 2021.  He dumped a chunk of memory (e.g. his childhood) to enable the illegal extra data storage capacity in his melon.  Reeves has to get the info downloaded before his head explodes or the audience loses its patience with the movie.

Reeves is in full Bill and Ted mode in this flick; his expressions have that blank deer-in-headlights feel.  All that was missing was Alex Winter as his traveling buddy and Reeve's trademark phrase, "Whoa!"

Reeves has to get the data from exotic Beijing (Panda Express looks more exotic than the film's production design of China) to Newark, New Jersey.  When did Newark become an important destination in cyberspace or real life for that matter?

This is a Bad Movie, through and through. The casting across the board was goofy: Ice T in a fright wig as a resistance fighter, weird Udo Kier as another weird Udo Kier character, Dolph Lundgren - seemingly on some bad mescaline - as a strung out street preacher/assassin?  To top it all, the actor playing the chief Yakuza assassin had eyebrows that were at least one inch thick!  It was so distracting, like watching an Asian Groucho Marx.

The resistance fighters, or Lo-Teks (get it, "low tech?") are HQ'd underneath an old bridge.  I didn't say below an old bridge, which would make sense if you want to keep out of sight of the cops and the corporations out to press delete on your ass.  No, this dumb movie puts the Lo-Tek's hideout UNDERNEATH a bridge: they networked together old containers and other scraps of metal and junk, and viola, it's the Hilton 2021.  Except you'd have to use cranes to get that shit up underneath the bridge and weld it all together.  How the hell did they hide all that from prying eyes?

Of course the Lo-Teks like to drop flaming cars (hey, "car bombs," everyone!) from the bridge onto trespassers below.  This once again raises the question of how you get old cars UNDERNEATH a bridge to be able to bomb unsuspecting snoops.  I imagine this image was the thing that led them to create the Lo-Tek's silly headquarters in the first place.

This movie looks and plays like an extremely cheap knockoff of the Max Headroom TV show, but instead of that show's inventiveness, creativity and smart satire, we got a B-movie plot, embarrassing cyber-tech double talk, cliched scifi punk fashions, a generic soundtrack, dull fight scenes, and a finale in one of Roger Ebert's trademarked "Steam and Flame Factory" settings.

And the scenes "in" cyberspace itself (one where Reeves is gloved up and helmeted to do, what, make a couple phone calls?) simply looked like someone's CGI effects reel after watching Tron.

Read an old issue of Omni magazine for a better, more exciting, and stimulating use of an hour and a half.

Comic Book Movie Casting, Meteors and More

WhatCulture.com has a new piece up about unusual, or oddball, casting choices for comic book movies. Michael Keaton's casting as Batman was likely the first oddball casting for a comic book movie that really worked; the most recent may be Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man.  Let's keep that up, Hollywood.  We need more of that kind of "out of the box" (though that's such an overused phrase) stuff and less of the Nick Cage as Ghost Rider or Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern business.

In sadder news, noted director of photography Harris Savides passed away recently.  Mr. Savides worked with directors as varied as Sofia Coppola, Ridley Scott and David Fincher; his work on the period thriller "Zodiac" for Fincher was especially notable.  Indiewire.com's The Playlist takes a look at his amazing work.

To end the week on a high note, Space: 1970 has a post up with the press kit photos from the scifi disaster pic "Meteor," starring none other than James Bond himself, Sean Connery, the late Natalie Wood and some really bad special effects (the space platform with the missiles looks about two feet long and made from cheap plastic - which it probably was!).

I watched the first 15 minutes of "Meteor" not too long ago, and all I remember was that Connery wore an overcoat that was this thick, massive, leather number that looked to have been made from an entire cow (see the first pic in that post).  That and he brought the thing with him into every scene he was in.  (Connery was a millionaire by the time this movie was made, so maybe he told the producers, "I don't need any money, but I would like a really nice warm coat for those Scottish nights I could keep afterward.").  To stop the meteor they should have just thrown Connery's coat over it.

A Turkish Movie and A Gimp Walk Into a Target Store

I came upon these two bits while perusing Gawker.com this a.m.

One is that my favorite department store Target is setting a "Gimp" costume from American Horror Story.  I'd recommend trying this one on in the story before purchasing it.  Maybe walk around a bit to see how it feels.

The second bit is from our Turkish filmmaking friends (or should that be "fiends?"), with the "Worst Movie Death Scene."  Some chick is shooting some dude sporting what I call a "split-level" mustache.

Firefly Anniversary

Firefly - the amazing "space western" series created by Joss Whedon - first aired on September 20, 2002.

Whichever idiot in charge of the Fox Network at that time axed the series after airing just 11 episodes.  They even ran the episodes out of order (plus, they didn't bother to air the pilot until just as the show was canceled).

I grew up on re-runs of Star Trek: TOS, so that is my favorite tv show.  Firefly is a close second.

Series executive producer Tim Minear shares some memories of the final moments of production in this piece from MTV's Splashpage.

Gornam Style

Screencaps from Trekcore. Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody.

Little-seen 1980s Series to Transform Into Little-seen Feature Film

Okay, who the frak is responsible for this?

Is it you?

Manimal is coming back from the dead. (This according to io9.com.)  That's right that little seen Glen A. Larson "gem" from the early 80s is apparently being brought out of mothballs - or in this case, the taxidermist - to star in a feature film.  And instead of Stan Winston's man-to-animal makeup transformations, we will get CGI morphing instead. Whoopee.

Here is the premise of the show: "a wealthy doctor with a mysterious past, who morphed into animals in order to help the police fight crime."

If Ben Stiller is tapped for the lead, I am so there.

Psy Fi

The viral video "Gangnam Style" by Korean popstar Psy is so wacky, that it classifies as sci-fi, or perhaps just fantasy, with its Mini-Me kid dancer, F5 tornado winds and the truly odd fashion sense of the singer (K-Pop meets The Hunger Games' Effie Trinket).

Regardless, it's a fun, bouncy number that's taken the interwebs by storm (and by horsey dance).

Flotsam and Jetsam for a September Friday

This week's Award For Best Headline is found at io9.com: Resident Evil: Retribution: Your Punishment for Loving Action Movies.

Inventive Australian director Neil Harvey created ROBBIE, a touching short film about a robot in the far future, using only NASA archival footage. From USA Today's popcandy. 

Stan Lee's Comikaze  multimedia convention is this weekend at the L.A. Convention Center.  Awesome guests include Adam West and Burt Ward (forever to be Batman and Robin to those who grew up in the 1960s and 70s), the beautiful and talented Internet goddess Felicia Day, and if he can take the Toronado down off blocks to get there, Joe Bob Briggs.  

And, get this, there is even a Zombie Apocalypse maze to run through! Maybe we'll see fellow convention guest and The Walking Dead star Norman Reedus dodging the walkers (maybe not).

Impressions of Thrones

Just now getting into HBO's Game of Thrones via the magic of DVD, and the LA Public Library.

This group of impressions of many of the main male cast of the show, by a young lad named Steve Love, are spot on.

China is here, Mr. Burton

"What does that mean?  I don't even know what the hell that means!"

Find a girl with green eyes, order some spicy kung pao to go along with the dazzling kung fu, and watch Big Trouble in Little China, one of the best, and funniest, cult movies around.  A true gem from director John Carpenter.

Most Cheese You Can Get Without A Cow

Because this NEVER gets old, it's Mike Nelson, Crow and Servo from MST3K and their many, many nicknames for Reb Brown's character in the you-gotta-see-it-to-believe-it "Space Mutiny."

Retro Robots

A Medley of Riffs Past

Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com

Hellboy Comes To Life For One Little Boy

Ron Perlman is the MAN.

Perlman is no stranger to genre tv/movies, having appeared in such fare as Quest For Fire, Beauty and the Beast, City of Lost Children, Blade 2 and Alien Resurrection in his long career. He also brought to big-screen life in two cult films the unconventional comic book hero Hellboy.

Now Perlman has brought Hellboy from the big-screen and into the life of a little boy for the Make a Wish Foundation. He underwent the four-hour makeup and costume process to visit six year old Zachary who is being treated for leukemia. Here is the Hollywood Reporter story.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find some tissues.

Xenu Gets The House, The Starship And Three Moons In This Split

Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com.

Today Show Host Jumps Ship

Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com

Star Wars Parody That I Used To Know

Just when song of the season "Someone That I Used To Know" by Gotye was winding down and moving out of our brain pans, comes this fun Star Wars-inspired take on the piece.

(originally found at Huffington Post)

Avenge This Birthday!

It's Joss Whedon's birthday today.

Perhaps you're familiar with the man.  He's done some stuff you may have heard of - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, "Serenity," Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, the comic book series "Fray," "Cabin in the Woods" and some little movie called "The Avengers" which came and went at the theaters.

Whedon's work has a lot of heart in it.  The characters feel real and they resonate with you long after the shows have left the airwaves (I've watched the series Firefly about a million times now, and it never gets old).  He also has a sense of humor that is much loved by this blog.

So, Happy birthday, Joss Whedon.  I hope you get some shiny presents.

The Enterprise Plays Trojan Horse

 So I thought I'd reviewed/fumettied all 79 episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series, but lo and behold, I seem to have missed a couple, including this little turd season, I mean third season, gem, "Elaan of Troyius."

It featured a pretty girl (the hubba hubba France Nuyen), a green guy (played by no less than Dr. Shrinker!), some big dudes wearing flame-colored place-mats as tunics, and a war/intergalactic tussle between a couple planets.

It's got a knife fight, enough wardrobe changes for France Nuyen to make Queen Amidala jealous, some phaser blasts, a chicken is choked, and the Klingons even manage to crash the party, so it's all good.

LADY GAGA, TIM TEBOW, MARTHA STEWART, AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN, LOUIS GOSSETT JR., KIM KARDASHIAN, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, HOMETOWN BUFFET.

 

Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com.

With Great Mental Power Comes Great Teen Angst

Spider-Man Meets Carrie By Way Of The Blair Witch Project might serve to sum up Chronicle, a new film in the found footage genre but the first to feature superhero powers.

Three high school kids - the popular Steve, Matt and Matt's shy cousin Andrew (ably played by Michael B. Jordan, Alex Russell and Dane DeHaan, respectively) - are exposed to something they find underground after discovering a hole in the forest floor.  That something is never explained or seen again (it looks a bit like Superman's crystal ship from Superman: The Movie).

The boys soon start to develop nosebleeds and then telekinetic powers.  They move Lego blocks around and skip stones over the water with just the power of their minds.  Soon they are doing much, much more than that.

At the center of the movie is Andrew who is bullied both at school and at home by his alcoholic father.  His dad lost his firefighter's job and stays home taking care of Andrew's terminally ill mother (when he isn't out drinking).  The father constantly takes his frustrations out on Andrew both verbally and physically.  When Andrew gets his powers he decides to do something about the abuse.

Chronicle - written by Max Landis, based on a story by Landis and director Josh Trank - feels right.  The actors all give terrific performances and the mid-20s Trank and Landis still recall the high school experience well.  Soon after getting their abilities, the guys do, well, guy stuff:  throwing baseballs at each other's faces,  using an unmanned leaf blower to blow up the skirts of some girls, goofing off in a parking lot where they move a woman's car into another parking spot 30 feet from where she parked.

At 84 minutes long, the movie does not overstay its welcome like so many of the overlong blockbusters of the last several years.  For example, there's no unnecessary love story - as in the bloated mess that was Green Lantern - to slow things down.  Chronicle is lean and the story is well-told with no waste or filler.

The visual effects are first rate - the climactic battle at the end recalls Superman II and in some ways puts the Avengers movie's similar final battle to shame.  Between Chronicle and District 9 - the former with a budget of $15 million, the latter at $30 million - you wonder where and what the $200 million for these big budget effects movies goes into.

The only real quibble is with the found footage aspect.  This movie would have played just as well without that now-tired and overused method.  We start with Andrew's single camera, then a bit later Matt's lady friend comes in shooting video for her blog, so we have a second camera's pov, but then we move on to police dashboard cams, ATM cameras, hospital CCTs, bystander's iPhones and such.  It really just got silly trying to maintain the found footage illusion.  Simply shooting the film in a documentary format with lots of handheld camerawork would have do the job just as well.

Old Time Saturday Morning Goofiness

Because every work week should end with a little Bigfoot and Wildboy.

Conan the Barbarian's Behind the Scenes Battles

It's the movie Conan the Barbarian's birthday - it was first released to theaters on May 14, 1982.

Indie Wire's The Playlist has some facts you might not know about this fantasy film (writer/then-coke-fiend Oliver Stone originally set the story in a post-apocalyptic future where Conan would battle mutants! You read that right.  Always remember, don't do drugs, kids!).

So put on Conan's soundtrack and read up about the days of high adventure.

Odds and Ends for a Saturday

The Avengers movie rawked. Maybe it was the large Coke, M&Ms and the Reese's Pieces I had during the flick, but the movie really worked for me. Kudos to Joss Whedon and company.

Who is that dude in the end credits of The Avengers?  Well, Vulture fills you in.

Spidey sense...tingling!  Have they gone too far with the upcoming Spider-Man reboot?  According to this piece from Badass Digest, they've seriously monkeyed with Spidey's origin, which causes major upheavals in the character's basic foundations. Not good.

And lastly, Vulture uses the game of "F--k. Marry. Kill" to determine which of the summer movies you should see this season.

Set Phasers to Awesome

Some dude put a real laser into a Star Trek phaser, complete with the phaser sound effects.

Yes, this does indeed rawk. 

from blastr.com

A Salute to The Monster Squad at 25

"Wolfman's got nards!"

If you're a true lover of great genre movies of the 1980s - and hey, who isn't - then you will fondly remember the line above. It's from one of the coolest movies of 1987: The Monster Squad.

Deftly written by Shane (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang) Black and lovingly directed by Fred Dekker, The Monster Squad turns 25 this year.

Much more fun than The Goonies, at least in my opinion, The Monster Squad's group of misfit kids were lead by the underrated Andre Gower, and took on half the Universal's Monster army of undead things, including the likes of Dracula (well acted by Duncan Regehr), the Mummy and the Gill Man (subbing for the more well known Creature From the Black Lagoon).

PopMatters has a nice write up of the movie.

Who Knows What Evil Lurks...

...In The Hearts Of This Year's Blockbuster Movies?


The Shadow may know, but even HE was severely disappointed by the recent dull, bloated non-event John Carter and, quite frankly, by The Hunger Games as well - while the latter featured a fine performance by lead Jennifer Lawrence, the movie's avoidance of its core story (children hunting and killing children for sport) left nothing to anchor her performance to. The Hunger Games leaves your mind by the time you get back to your car.

The Shadow hopes to watch the shit out of The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises.

As for the other big-budget movies, remember, The Weed Of Crime Bears Bitter Fruit. And the Shadow carries a serious fucking Weedwhacker.


The Shadow is Copyright 2012 by its respective rights holder. No infringement of those rights is intended with this posting. Original artwork by Michael Fleming.

Wrath of Cardboard

Oh, holy crap, but extremely-bland-actor Sam Worthington has ANOTHER movie coming out tomorrow, Wrath of the Titans, his SECOND film released this year after Man on a Ledge was dumped into cineplexes in January.

Yes, I'll grant you that Worthington is handsome and has impressive muscles, but he has made NO IMPRESSION on me in any of the films in which he's starred, including Terminator: Salvation, Avatar, and Clash of the Titans. (Avatar may be his best performance because every frame of his acting was literally manipulated by computer!)

No impression - zero, zip, nada.

Why does this man have a career? Weird.

Adam Goes (Lady) Gaga

Star Trek is a Registered Trademark and Copyright 2012 by CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com.

Coming Attractions and Distractions

It's a movie trailer extravaganza today.

Here is the newest, and even more awesome, look at Ridley Scott's return to science fiction, PROMETHEUS. This movie has really and truly got my interest. Please, Sir Ridley, let this be on par with Alien and Blade Runner, if, you know, that's not too much to ask. (Trailer from collider.com.)

Producer Tim Burton teams with kinetic director Timur (Wanted, Night Watch, Day Watch) Bekmambetov on ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER. Honest Abe drives stakes into the unbeating hearts of evil bloodsuckers. Looks like good, Karo syrup-tinged fun. (Trailer from AintItCool.com.)

From producer/co-writer Oren (Paranormal Activity, The River) Peli comes an interesting looking film called CHERNOBYL DIARIES, about extreme vacationers who visit the abandoned Ukrainian city of Chernobyl, near the site of the worst nuclear power plant accident in history. But they soon find all is not what it seems, and the city may not be as abandoned as they thought. Fun creepy, jump out of your seat times. (Trailer from collider.com.)

And finally, a totally whack-a-doo look at the new DARK SHADOWS. It appears that director Tim Burton is aping Barry (Addams Family) Sonnenfeld in this goofy 1970s-set comedy. Johnny Depp looks like he's wearing makeup! Seriously, wtf? (Trailer from collider.com.)

Seeing GREEN

For St. Patrick's Day today, ME-TV is airing a four hour marathon of episodes of The Green Hornet tv series from the 1960s.

Holy Clover, Batman! I have only ever seen Green Hornet and his trusty chauffeur/kung fu sidekick Kato (played by none other the legendary Bruce Lee himself!) on that "crossover" episode of the Adam West Batman series (both shows produced by William Dozier).

Batman was played campy, while the Green Hornet was played straight. So, for tonight only, it's move over Batmobile, make room for the Black Beauty.

Tonto Get Updated Look, Kemo Sabe

When Johnny Depp plays dress-up on film - the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland - the movies do ginormous box-office.

Get ready for another Depp blockbuster, because here's the first pic of him all made up as Tonto in the now filming Lone Ranger movie. (from Collider.com)

Depp famously channeled Keith Richards and Pepe LePew for the character of Jack Sparrow (sorry, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow). Since Tonto is the Lone Ranger's mentor, perhaps Depp will be inspired by famous egghead-leader-types, like Albert Einstein and Flavor Flav.

Ralph McQuarrie: 1929 - 2012

Ralph McQuarrie, the soft-spoken visionary designer/artist whose concept artwork for the original Star Wars sold that movie to the studio after the script was passed over time after time, has died. He was 82.

Star Wars was created by George Lucas, but his right arm was Mr. McQuarrie, who took Lucas's various concepts, notes and details and breathed life into them. Mr. McQuarrie's art showed that this weird world of Star Wars - a mishmash of pulp scifi, Flash Gordon, cowboy western and samurai film homages, comic books and more - could work. (Mr. McQuarrie put the helmet and faceplate on Darth Vader as he thought he would require a breathing apparatus to move between ships; Lucas liked the look and kept it. If Mr. McQuarrie hadn't thought of that, would Darth Vader had become the menacing, mechanical-breathing bad guy known the world over?)

Mr. McQuarrie also worked on Battlestar Galactica, Close Encounters, Star Trek (both pre-TMP and on ST IV), Cocoon, and E.T., among other films.

His was a talent that helped define a universe, and more. He will be sorely missed.

Here is a sampling of his work, from Aint It Cool News.

This Election Year, Watch Out For The Red Lectroids!

Any Buckaroo Banzai fans out there?

What a great fun kooky hip cult flick that was, amIright? With the success of shows like Spartacus, Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead on various cable channels, the time is right to bring back Buckaroo and the Hong Kong Cavaliers and see them in all those incredible adventures we've dreamed about for nearly 30 (!) years.

Remember the movie's cool end titles number, with the cast all coming together to strut down the Sepulveda Basin of the L.A. River. Turn up your speakers.

Blu in the Face for TNG

With the recent release of Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Next Level Blu-ray "teaser" set that includes a sampling of TNG episodes ("Encounter at Farpoint," "Sins of the Father" and "The Inner Light") transferred to HD, here's some TNG-related silliness.





Star Trek: The Next Generation is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com.

It's the End of the World as Abel Ferrara Knows It

End of the world movies don't always have to have big budgets and enormous special effects (e.g., Armageddon and much of Roland Emmerich's career). Don't get me wrong, these movies can still be fun, but more often than not, their stories are pretty stupid and the characters paper thin.

Writer/director Abel Ferrara (Driller Killer, Ms. 45, Crime Story (tv series) and The Bad Lieutenant -- wow, how's that for an eclectic and eccentric resume!) has a new film coming out called 4:44 - Last Day On Earth (trailer at collider.com). There's no rocketship/space ark being built, no time machine to escape to the past. Nope. none of that. In the story set during the final night on earth, we know the world's going to end at 4:44 am the next day; we follow Willem Dafoe, his girlfriend and a handful of other people as the curtain comes down on our human existence.

While the story sounds similar to Last Night, a 1998 end of the world movie from writer/director Don McKellar, Ferrara is a different kind of animal, so I can't wait to see what he does with this tale.

Stalking The Night On The Big Screen

If you're like me, when you hear the name "Kolchak" you get shivers running up and down your spine. (Just listen to the opening theme!)

Kolchak, aka "The Night Stalker", was an investigative reporter in a rumpled suit and a pork pie hat with a nose for the supernatural. He first appeared in a pair of successful TV movies, which paved the way for a hasty first and only season. "The X-Files" TV show creator Chris Carter has long acknowledged the creepy and creative "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" as a major inspiration for his own creepy and creative series.

Last year it was reported Johnny Depp wanted to play Kolchak in a feature film. Now, according to slashfilm.com that movie appears to finally have a director: Shaun of the Dead's own Edgar Wright.

Darren McGavin - who was in his early 50s at the time - created one of the most memorable TV characters in his portrayal of the harried, put upon, and often-fired, Kolchak. I wonder what sort of take Depp has on the role -- will he do a sort of Darren McGavin "impression" or just go off in his own direction?

Whatever Wright and Depp do, they gotta keep the pork pie hat.

The Walking CGI Dead

The Walking Dead on AMC is my favorite show on TV right now. This zombie-packed series has me on the edge of my seat each week.

The special make-up effects created and supervised by Greg Nicotero are first rate, but as this clip found on Topless Robot shows, there are a lot of amazing digital effects involving the "walkers" of which we viewers are not aware.

Just makes me love this series even more.

Bat-Questions

What happens when a dude dressed as Batman prowls the streets of Toronto and growls out in his best Christian Bale-like rasp, "WHERE ARE THEY?!"

Why vigilante-fueled hilarity, of course!

from io9.com.

Another Spin

Even though I still think the new costume design sucks donkey balls, this brand new second trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man actually got my attention.

I may wanna see this in theaters after all.

The Little Bloodthirsty (Sorta Blind) Bounty Hunter That Could

Remember when Pitch Black was just this cool little (only a $23 mil budget!) cult scifi movie that came outta nowhere and basically made gym bunny Vin Diesel a star?

It was a fun, tension-filled, visually imaginative action story. Writer/director David Twohy overreached a bit with the sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick, which, in a strange way, is right up there with Highlander II for throwing together a massive story that really didn't have anything to do with the first film. I mean they changed EVERYTHING in Highlander II, while Riddick was still a convicted murderer/fugitive in C of R.

Anywho, after yarons of speculation, Twohy and Diesel have reunited for another adventure involving the man with the shiny eyes, Richard B. Riddick.

According to a post on Aint It Cool News, Diesel has uploaded several pics of the untitled sequel to his Facebook page. Check 'em out.

Riddick returns to the big screen some time in 2013.

Odds n Ends for the Odd Wednesday

From the Popcandy blog, these two bits caught our optics:

Asian Cinema's 20 Greatest Fight Scenes. You can bet the hallway fight from OldBoy is in there.

And since we're a fan of comic strip art, this article about an extremely rare piece of Calvin and Hobbes artwork going up for sale made us all misty-eyed and nostalgic for that tuna-loving tiger and his boy.

Get Out The Vote

Well, the Presidential Debates for 2012 are in full swing, but it really doesn't matter. Republican or Democrat, Conservative or Liberal - as this behind the scenes photo clearly shows, they're ALL aliens.




Screencaps from Trekcore.com. Star Trek is a Registered Trademark and Copyright 2012 by CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody.

Soap, Shampoo and Motor Oil

Droid showers.


They're not something for human eyes to witness. Ever.


Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and a Registered Trademark of CBS Studios Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com

Avengers Assemble...My Desk!

This bit from MTV Geek is fun, and totally for those of us who remember what it's like to be a 10 year old kid.

It's an Avengers-inspired desk from Tom Spina Design! And by the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, it rocks, with nods to Captain America, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Thor and even S.H.I.E.L.D. head honcho Nick Fury encased within.

Play spot 'em all if you can!

Ride On Past Rango

Star Trek is Copyright 2012 and Registered Trademark of CBS Studios, Inc. No infringement of those rights is intended with this parody. Screencaps from Trekcore.com

The Game of Villainy Is Afoot

Trekmovie.com is reporting that they have finally cast the lead villain in the upcoming and much-anticipated Star Trek sequel.

Director J.J. Abrams has selected the talented and impressively named Benedict Cumberbatch for the role of the man who antagonizes Capt. Kirk and the Enterprise in the summer 2013 release.

Cumberbatch is a real up and comer. I watched the recent three-episode BBC series Sherlock, where he plays Holmes in contemporary London, and he was mesmerizing.

Here's hoping J.J. and company knocks this one out of the galactic park.